7.28.03

did you know? emily is a 3-syllable girl's name of latin/teutonic origin and means ambitious, flatterer, industrious.

today mike and i went to check out corporate daycare. sigh. honestly, my emotions are so mixed regarding the work vs. stay home decision. on the one hand i'm looking forward to returning to work. i like my work and i like the people i work with. on the other hand i feel that by returning to work i'm failing emily. "hi, kid, i brought you selfishly into this world but i don't have the time to take care of you so i'm going to leave you with these people i barely know and hope for the best. see ya at 6!"

and the issue isn't about money; we've talked about it and we can survive without my income. it's that i feel that i've worked hard to get to this point in my career and i'm unsure what quitting my job would mean. i guess i'm scared; i don't often quit my job. i've been working full-time since i was 20. the fact that i'm a career gal is a fairly integral part of my personality. or maybe i'm lazy; i've worked at my company for over 3 years and it feels pretty darn comfortable. am i trying to prove something by attempting to successfully juggle a career and a family? i suppose it's a little bit of all of these things. sometimes decisions are easy and sometimes they're hard. and shouldn't i be thankful that i have the opportunity to make this decision? ahhhhhhh! must.stop.over-thinking...

exercise news: i've started jogging again. it feels good and i really really really hope i can find (make!) the time to continue it after i return to work. it's a great way to stay sane. mike and i are shopping for a jogging stroller. an SUV and a jogging stroller -- jesus, what have i become? *grin*

xoxo
mary [mary @ marytsao.com]