1.3.04

Too many women have lost their drive to be happy because they become obsessed with analyzing their situation.
--Fatema Mernissi in Scheherazade Goes West

running at night is really interesting because it allows you true insight into your neighbors' lives and habits. running during the day is kind of boring. most of the houses seem the same when you jog past them during the day; the sunlight reflects off the windows and you really can't tell much about the people that live inside. but at night, houses are different. some are quiet with no life inside, but others are lit up and you can look in the windows and catch glimpses of furnishings, people, lives. one of our running routes brings us past a home that's interesting to me because it has a beautiful english-style cottage garden in the front yard (unusual for a neighborhood of homes built primarily in the 60s and 70s). i imagined the house was inhabited by a retired librarian who likes to garden. tonight i couldn't help but laugh as we ran by the house because i realized that it probably isn't inhabited by the librarian as i imagined. or if it is, she's in the black sabbath cover band that was practicing in the garage.

during my jog tonight i also learned that emily doesn't have the same voyeuristic appreciation for nighttime jogging as i do. for me, the dark is enlightening; for her, the dark is scary. as the sun started going down during our run she began giving out little warning cries every half block or so. by the time it was completely dark out, she was full-blown crying. of course she stopped the minute i took her out of the stroller and she was fine as we walked the rest of the way home. i guess she's too little to enjoy the thrill of jogging in the dark. as we were walking home i realized what makes me truly happy with emily: she's easily pleased. when she cries it's easy to figure out what she's crying about, and as soon as you remedy the situation she stops crying and is happy again. emily is the person *i* want to be! unfortunately i'm a tad more complicated than she is and half the time i don't understand what it is i want; therefore, i am unable to communicate it to those around me, for example, my husband.

maybe while i'm teaching emily to do things like recognize colors and stack blocks, she can teach me to be a simpler person and a better communicator.

this is the kind of stuff i think about when i'm running.

xoxo
mary [mary @ marytsao.com]




©copyright 2004 mary tsao