mary tsao: journal: childproofing my heart

2004 . . . 2003 2002

1.13.04

mike and i have begun the arduous job of child-proofing our house. emily's not yet able to open cabinet doors but we had a brunch party a couple of months ago and the kids we invited were kind enough to point out our potential problem areas. you should have seen mike scramble to find a loftier home for the wireless router after first exclaiming, "they're stepping on it!" sorry, honey, but the floor and the two feet above the floor now belong to emily and her kind. the weekend after the party we bolted our gigantic precarious ikea-made shelving unit to the wall, stuck plastic thingies in all unused outlets, took things we cared about off bottom shelves, and tucked cords behind furniture. during a discussion with my sister i learned that she knows a family who child-proofed their christmas tree by keeping it in a playpen. i certainly hope we don't have to go that far. i'm not-so-secretly hoping emily's one of those kids who is scared of the christmas tree. "santa doesn't bring toys to little girls who play with christmas trees!"

i think i'm on top of this child-proofing the house thing. i've got bags of plastic locks ready to foil my curious baby girl at a moment's notice. i even have some advice from my friend dara: "just tie up the cabinet doors and get toilet bowl locks." "are those really necessary?" i wonder. "there's nothing worse than seeing your kid fishing in the toilet," she tells me. oh. right.

at my urging, she gave me more advice:

never buy her a happy meal. buy her a hamburger. buy her fries. but don't buy the happy meal. it's the toys; your house will be filled with them and you'll be sorry.

feed her food off your own plate. if you feed her only the food that comes in little jars she'll be a picky eater and you'll be stuck having to feed her a diet of fish sticks, french fries, or chicken mcnuggets every night.

never bribe her with food or toys when you're in the supermarket. it's a slippery slope.

after thinking about dara's advice, i realized that it's not only about childproofing my home, it's also about childproofing my heart. but where is the handy gadget for this?!?! i already feel such fierce loyalty, devotion, and love for emily. it hit me that i was doomed during the babies and books storytime at the library. everything was going great -- i was singing the songs (itsy-bitsy spider; baa baa black sheep; heads, shoulders, knees, and toes; you know the songs i'm talking about) and emily was smiling and laughing. and then miss darcy started singing the last song, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray," and i choked up! i had to bury my face in emily's neck and pretend i was singing the song in her ear her so that people wouldn't see that i was crying. it was embarrassing. uh oh. house of small plastic toys, here we come!

how am i supposed to deny this face a happy meal?