mary tsao: journal: what i was thinking

2004 . . . 2003 2002

7.6.04

here are some journal entries that i wrote but didn't post.

pregnancy flashback: week one
I see pregnant people

This is it, the month that Mike and I will start actively trying to conceive our second child. Wow. It's amazing how easy it was for me to slip back into this world, the world of pregnant people.

Do you see pregnant people wherever you look? I do. I see them in the mall; I see them at the grocery store; I see them at Target; I see them walking along my favorite hiking trail. If the average unpregnant person saw as many pregnant people as I do, they would be frightened. It's like pregnant people are calling to me, whispering to me, "Come, Come join our portly world of ill-fitting jeans, heartburn, and swollen feet." I want to start conversations with these women. Or maybe not conversations, but rather monologues. Monologues that go something like this:

[Me] You're pregnant!
[Me] I'm almost pregnant. I mean, almost if I get pregnant this month because my husband and I are going to start trying and you know how they go back to the first day of your last missed period when they calculate your due date which is kind of weird because the day you find out you're pregnant you're already 4 weeks pregnant which means that I might be one week pregnant right now even though technically I haven't even conceived a child.
[Me] Anyway, bye!

Even though monologues like the one about don't take place (I may be weird, but I'm not that weird), I still find myself letting people in on the fact that Mike and I are going to start trying soon. I can't help myself. I wonder if we get pregnant how I'll ever be able to keep the secret for 12 weeks. Which of course is only having to keep it for 8 weeks.

if you're confused, see the above monologue.

pregnancy flashback: week two
A howling child is not an aphrodisiac

Mike and I are realizing that finding the time and the energy to try and conceive this child is much more difficult than it was with our first. Have you seen the commercial for the ovulation kits (kind of like a pregnancy test, except you pee on a stick to find out when you're ovulating) that feature the small child in the crib leering over the side at his mom and dad who are fumbling under a comforter?

It's a lot like that.

Whoever came up with that ad is a genius. A genius or somebody who has been where we are today: trying to conceive our second child with a first who doesn't appreciate being put to bed early and who howls miserably until the wrong against her is righted. The kind of howling that seems to say, "I KNOW what you're doing in there and I just want you to know that I want to be an ONLY child!"