mary tsao: journal: more of what i was thinking

2004 . . . 2003 2002

7.6.04

here are two more journal entries that i wrote but didn't post. this is it for the pregnancy flashbacks. my intent was to write a journal entry every week but i stopped as soon as i started feeling yucky.

pregnancy flashback: week three
confessions of a testaholic

i'm officially in the 2WW (2 week wait) and it's horrible. the 2WW is the period of time between when you ovulate and when you can expect to get your period. if you're trying to get pregnant, you spend that time waiting. waiting for a sign that your pregnant or waiting for your period to start. if you're like me, you spend at least some of that time peeing on sticks because you're much much much too impatient to actually wait until your period is late before testing. no, if you're like me you test when it's virtually impossible for any test to detect the hormone that indicates pregnancy, HcG.

This cycle I tested at 9 DPO (days past ovulation). negative. i tested again today at 10 DPO. this time i thought it was negative but when i fished the test out of the garbage an hour later i thought i could detect a very faint line in the positive window. you might think that fishing the test out of the garbage is weird, but trust me -- lots of women do it. Unfortunately, the second line was probably due to dried urine and it's the reason why you shouldn't fish negative pregnancy tests out of the garbage after the recommended time to see the results has expired.

I'd like to say that I didn't test again later that afternoon (10.5 DPO), but I did. Again a negative. What did I expect? At this point I had mike hide the remaining two tests. Those things are too expensive to waste. He obliged because he hates squandering money. I'm positive he doesn't understand my insane desire to KNOW, and I guess that's due to the fact that I'm the one carrying this baby (if in fact, I'm carrying a baby). The mother's job starts early. Dads don't get involved until they're in charge of writing down contractions and holding your hand while you give birth to their offspring. Do I sound bitter? Really, I'm not. I'm just amazed at how much more women do than men in this area. Whose idea was it that we do all the work? Knowing us, I'm sure we volunteered. We're like that.

pregnancy flashback: week four
The Envelope, Please

And the pregnant woman is... me! I couldn't hold out any longer and I tested with one of those very expensive, very sensitive home pregnancy tests at 13.5 DPO. Positive! Yipee!

The same afternoon I got a positive on my HPT I did two things that may seem a tad premature to some: I went to Kaiser to confirm my pregnancy and I went shopping for maternity clothes. The shopping for maternity clothes couldn't be helped -- a local mothers' club was holding a used maternity clothing sale to benefit a local ymca. Now I couldn't pass up a bargain or two, could I? I ended up getting 2 nice blouses, a denim sundress, and a fancy black dress to wear to my sister-in-law's wedding. She's getting married in October, at which time I'll be 32.5 weeks pregnant. In a word, gigantic. The dress is nice and worth the $50 I spend on it. It retailed originally for over $200 and was worn once. Pregnant women don't have much occassion to get gussied up. I'm happy that I have one less thing to think about.

When I called Kaiser to get the results of my test I was relieved they confirmed the positive result. I'm never too confident of those HPTs. The nurse asked me the date of my last menstrual cycle, and she laughed when I told her. Even though I'm technically 4 weeks pregnant, I didn't conceive the child until 2 weeks ago. In other words, I'm very newly pregnant. So newly pregnant that I'm not feeling naseous or anything yet. Well, a little bit, but nothing bad. I'm tired but not so tired that I'd rather sleep than do anything. I have to pee more, but not so much more that I must know the location of every public bathroom within a 2 block radius of wherever I am. All those good things will come with time. For now, my main concern is worrying that I won't start spotting and that the embryo will remain viable. There's always something to worry about, isn't there?